Sometimes the most dangerous words a healthcare provider can speak aren’t about your diagnosis—they’re the accusations that transform you from patient to suspect.
When this story reached me from Sweden, written with the careful precision of someone sharing their truth in a second language, I felt that familiar knot in my stomach that comes with recognizing a pattern I’ve seen too many times in my twelve years in healthcare. Not just medical complications—those happen, and they’re devastating enough on their own. But something far more insidious: the moment when a patient’s legitimate pain is reframed as manipulation, when their pleas for help are heard as demands for drugs, when the very people meant to heal them become their accusers.
This person trusted me with a story that spans three years of ongoing pain, multiple surgeries, life-threatening infections, and permanent nerve damage—all stemming from what should have been a routine wisdom tooth extraction. But the medical failures, devastating as they are, represent only half the trauma. The other half comes from being treated like a criminal for experiencing the very pain those failures caused.
Their story is a mirror for every healthcare provider who has ever looked at a patient in pain and wondered if they were “really” hurting or just seeking drugs. It’s a case study in how medical gaslighting can literally become life-threatening. And it’s a call to action for a healthcare system that too often treats addiction stigma as more important than patient care.
When Routine Becomes Catastrophic
It started with a simple problem: a crooked wisdom tooth that needed to come out. The dentist assured them that an oral surgeon wasn’t necessary, that this was something they could handle in their office. It was supposed to be straightforward, routine, unremarkable.
“The appointment took about an hour to just get the tooth out and they even had to go get an extra dentist because they didn’t get it out themselves.”
Already, warning signs were appearing. An extraction that should have taken minutes stretched to an hour. The dentist struggled so much they needed backup. But patients trust healthcare providers to know their limitations, to call for help when procedures become too complex, to prioritize patient safety over professional pride.
That trust was misplaced.
What followed was a cascade of complications that would transform this person’s life: dry socket, where the blood clot dissolves and leaves the nerve raw and exposed. Infection that would eventually spread to their bloodstream. And something that sounds almost medieval in its horror:
“I also started noticing bone pieces sticking through my gums and had to pick them out as that really hurt.”
Imagine that for a moment. Pieces of your own bone, fractured during the traumatic extraction, slowly working their way through your gums. The pain of having to remove these fragments yourself because no one would listen to your concerns. The horror of feeling your own skeleton betraying you, one sharp piece at a time.
When they brought these concerns to their dentist, seeking antibiotics for the obvious infection and pain medication for the unbearable discomfort, they were met with dismissal:
“My dentist didn’t do anything about this and said that they didn’t see any problem, just that it was normal and I had to wait for it to heal.”
This is where medical gaslighting begins—when healthcare providers dismiss patient reports that contradict their preferred narrative. When “normal healing” becomes an excuse to avoid accountability for complications. When patient pain becomes inconvenient rather than concerning.
The Emergency That Should Have Been a Warning
Desperate for help, they went to an emergency dentist who immediately recognized what their regular dentist had refused to see:
“They gave me antibiotics cream straight in the wound. That helped a bit, I also got a few moving tablets for the pain.”
Finally, someone validated their experience. Someone saw the infection and treated it. Someone acknowledged that their pain was real and provided appropriate medication. For a brief moment, the system worked as it should.
But when they returned to their regular dentist, something had shifted. Instead of concern about why the emergency dentist had found problems they’d missed, instead of curiosity about what had gone wrong, the response was accusation:
“They accused me of being a drug abuser that just wanted narcotics.”
Let’s pause here and examine what really happened. A patient with legitimate complications from a botched procedure sought appropriate medical care and received proper treatment from an emergency provider. When they returned to the dentist who had caused the complications, instead of taking responsibility or investigating the problems, that dentist chose to attack the patient’s character.
This is medical gaslighting in its purest form: when providers accused of mistakes respond by questioning the patient’s motives rather than examining their own actions. When the focus shifts from “what went wrong and how do we fix it” to “what is this patient really after.”
When Bodies Rebel and Doctors Deny
The complications continued to escalate in ways that should have terrified any medical professional:
“I continued to have bone pieces pushing through the gums and had a different dentist make me an appointment with the oral surgeon.”
It took a different dentist—someone with fresh eyes and no professional investment in denying problems—to recognize that this situation required specialist intervention. The oral surgeon performed two surgeries to remove bone fragments and reshape the damaged jaw.
But even surgical intervention couldn’t stop what was already in motion:
“I still had a fever of 41°C and was very drowsy and affected by it.”
A fever of 41°C (105.8°F) is life-threatening. This isn’t discomfort; this is systemic illness that can cause brain damage or death. Any healthcare provider seeing a patient with this level of fever after dental surgery should be thinking about serious complications, not drug-seeking behavior.
When they returned to the emergency dentist, the diagnosis was devastating:
“They said I had osteomyelitis in the jawbone (an infection that had developed and gone into the bone which was breaking it down) it had also gone to my blood at that point which is why I had the fever.”
Osteomyelitis—infection that eats away at bone tissue. Septicemia—infection in the bloodstream that can be fatal within hours. These are not complications that happen to drug-seekers making up symptoms. These are life-threatening conditions that develop when infections go untreated.
Yet even faced with objective evidence of serious illness, the medical gaslighting continued:
“My normal dentist still didn’t believe me, neither did the oral surgeon.”
Think about this for a moment. A patient has documented osteomyelitis, confirmed septicemia, and a fever that could kill them, and multiple healthcare providers still “didn’t believe” them. This isn’t medical skepticism—it’s willful denial of reality in service of protecting professional ego.
When Patients Become Their Own Advocates
Faced with healthcare providers who refused to acknowledge the severity of their condition, this person did what too many patients are forced to do: they advocated for themselves by seeking care elsewhere.
“So I made an emergency appointment with my doctor and they gave me strong antibiotics in double the strength. I got allergic to them but it did have enough time to help.”
Their primary care physician—someone outside the dental system that had failed them—immediately recognized the severity of the situation and provided appropriate treatment. The fact that they developed an allergic reaction to the antibiotics speaks to how powerful the medication needed to be to fight an infection that had been allowed to rage unchecked.
“So that helped the infection. But I still had a lot of pain.”
Here’s where the story takes another devastating turn. Even after treating the life-threatening infection, they were left with ongoing pain that no one seemed interested in investigating or treating appropriately.
“Finally I found out that I had gotten nerve damage from the extraction and now I have to take antidepressants that also work for nerve pain in a large dose every day.”
Permanent nerve damage. A daily medication regimen for the rest of their life. All because what should have been a simple extraction became a traumatic procedure that caused multiple complications, none of which were properly addressed until they became life-threatening.
The Ongoing Consequences of Medical Failure
Three years later, this person is still living with the consequences of that botched extraction and the medical gaslighting that followed:
“I still have a lot of problems 3 years after the extraction and the medications I take for it don’t help if I have some kind of infection like a cold and I can’t work out without a mouthguard as I’m not allowed to bite down too hard or eat things that are tough. That gives a lot of pain.”
Read that again. Three years later, they can’t exercise without a mouthguard. They can’t eat certain foods. They live with chronic pain that worsens with any systemic illness. A routine dental procedure has permanently altered their quality of life.
The healthcare system in their country eventually acknowledged the failures:
“I’ve put in a report to the healthcare people in my country and they have told them that they have failed in the aftercare of me as a patient.”
Official recognition that the healthcare providers failed in their duty of care. Validation that this wasn’t a case of an unreasonable patient or drug-seeking behavior, but actual medical negligence. Yet the acknowledgment feels hollow when weighed against the permanent damage done.
“But nothing more has come of it. I’m in the process of putting a report to try and get some kind of compensation for the damage I’ve gotten from it.”
No accountability. No systemic changes. No recognition that calling a patient a drug seeker while they developed life-threatening complications represents a fundamental failure of medical ethics. Just paperwork that acknowledges wrongdoing without consequences.
The Deadly Math of Medical Gaslighting
As a medical-surgical nurse who has advocated fiercely for patients whose pain was dismissed, I see this story as a case study in how dangerous medical gaslighting can become. This person nearly died because healthcare providers were more concerned with protecting their egos and avoiding “drug-seeking” patients than with providing appropriate medical care.
Let’s be crystal clear about what happened here:
- A dentist performed a procedure beyond their skill level
- When complications arose, they denied rather than addressed them
- When the patient sought appropriate care elsewhere, they were labeled as drug-seeking
- The label of “drug seeker” became more important than objective medical findings
- Life-threatening complications developed while providers continued to dismiss concerns
- Only intervention by a physician outside the dental system prevented death
- The patient was left with permanent damage and ongoing pain
- Official acknowledgment of medical failure came with no accountability
This isn’t just poor medical care—it’s a systematic breakdown of the most basic medical principle: first, do no harm.
The False Dichotomy of Pain Management
Reading this story, some healthcare providers might think, “But we do have a problem with drug-seeking behavior” or “We can’t just give narcotics to everyone who asks.” And they’re not entirely wrong—prescription drug abuse is a real issue, and healthcare providers do face complex decisions about pain management.
But this case illustrates the deadly flaw in how we often approach these decisions. Instead of starting with the assumption that pain reports are accurate and working systematically to address them, we start with suspicion and require patients to prove their suffering is “legitimate.”
This backwards approach creates several problems:
It delays appropriate care for real medical emergencies. This person had osteomyelitis and septicemia while being labeled a drug seeker. How many others have died because their pain was dismissed as addiction-seeking?
It teaches patients not to report pain. If seeking help for legitimate pain results in being labeled as an addict, patients learn to suffer in silence rather than risk that stigma.
It violates the fundamental principle of medical ethics. We’re supposed to believe patients and investigate their concerns, not assume they’re lying and force them to prove their worthiness for care.
It ignores the complexity of addiction. Even if someone does have substance use disorder, they can still have legitimate medical problems that require treatment. Addiction doesn’t make someone immune to infections, injuries, or chronic pain conditions.
The Ethical Complexity of Pain Management
As healthcare providers, we face genuine dilemmas around pain management. We want to treat suffering, but we also don’t want to contribute to addiction crises. We want to believe our patients, but we also see the devastating effects of prescription drug abuse. These competing concerns create ethical tension that doesn’t have easy answers.
But the solution isn’t to err on the side of suspicion and denial. The solution is to develop more sophisticated approaches to pain management that can address suffering without creating addiction:
Comprehensive assessment: Instead of assuming drug-seeking behavior, investigate pain reports thoroughly. Use objective measures when possible. Consider non-pharmacological treatments. Consult specialists when needed.
Trauma-informed care: Recognize that people with substance use disorders often have trauma histories that contribute to both addiction and pain. Treat the whole person, not just the presenting problem.
Multimodal approaches: Pain doesn’t always require opioids. Physical therapy, nerve blocks, anti-inflammatory medications, topical treatments, and other interventions can be effective for many conditions.
Honest communication: Instead of labeling patients as drug-seekers, have honest conversations about concerns, treatment options, and realistic expectations for pain management.
Systemic support: Healthcare systems need protocols for complex pain management cases, access to addiction specialists, and support for providers making difficult decisions.
Most importantly, we need to remember that even if someone does have substance use disorder, they’re still a human being deserving of medical care. Addiction doesn’t disqualify someone from having legitimate medical problems that cause real pain.
What This Story Teaches Healthcare Providers
For my fellow healthcare providers reading this, this story should serve as a wake-up call about how our biases and assumptions can literally become life-threatening for patients.
Trust, then verify: Start with the assumption that patient pain reports are accurate. Investigate thoroughly before concluding that someone is drug-seeking.
Recognize the signs of serious complications: A patient with ongoing pain, fever, and concerning symptoms after a medical procedure needs medical evaluation, not moral judgment.
Understand that denial isn’t medicine: Telling patients their complications are “normal” when they clearly aren’t doesn’t make the problems go away—it just delays appropriate treatment.
Own your mistakes: When complications arise from procedures you’ve performed, the appropriate response is concern and corrective action, not attacking the patient’s character.
Consider alternative explanations: Before labeling someone as drug-seeking, consider whether there might be legitimate medical reasons for their continued pain.
Collaborate, don’t compete: When other providers find problems you missed, see it as an opportunity to learn, not a threat to your competence.
Remember the power of labels: Once you label someone as a “drug seeker,” that label follows them through the healthcare system and can prevent them from receiving appropriate care.
Focus on outcomes, not judgments: Your job is to provide medical care that improves patient outcomes, not to police patient behavior based on your assumptions about their motives.
To the Survivor Who Shared This Story
First, thank you for sharing your story in a language that isn’t your first. Your courage in communicating this trauma across linguistic barriers speaks to how important it is for you to be heard and believed. Your English is clear, your details are precise, and your truth comes through powerfully.
What happened to you was medical malpractice compounded by systematic gaslighting. You deserved appropriate care from the beginning. When complications arose, you deserved investigation and treatment, not accusations and dismissal. When you sought help elsewhere and received appropriate care, that should have been a signal to your providers that they had missed something important, not evidence that you were manipulating the system.
The fact that you nearly died from complications that were dismissed as drug-seeking behavior is a profound failure of the healthcare system. The fact that you’re still living with chronic pain and functional limitations three years later is a testament to how serious those complications were and how devastating the delays in appropriate treatment became.
Your decision to file official complaints and seek compensation isn’t about money or revenge—it’s about accountability and prevention. By holding these providers responsible for their failures, you’re protecting future patients from experiencing what you went through.
The official finding that your providers “failed in the aftercare” validates what you experienced. You weren’t a difficult patient. You weren’t seeking drugs. You were a person with legitimate medical complications who deserved appropriate care and didn’t receive it.
I hope your ongoing efforts for compensation are successful, not just for the financial support you deserve, but for the official recognition that what happened to you was wrong and preventable.
Your chronic pain is real. Your functional limitations are real. The impact on your quality of life is real. And none of it should have happened.
Thank you for trusting me with your story. Thank you for speaking truth about medical gaslighting and the dangerous assumptions healthcare providers can make. Your voice will help other patients feel less alone and hopefully help providers recognize the deadly consequences of dismissing patient pain as drug-seeking behavior.
You survived not just life-threatening complications, but a healthcare system that failed you repeatedly. Your strength in continuing to advocate for yourself and others is remarkable.
To everyone reading this who has had their pain dismissed, their concerns minimized, or their character questioned when seeking medical care: You are not alone. Your pain matters. Your experience is valid. And you deserve healthcare providers who believe you and work with you to address your suffering rather than questioning your motives.
If you’re dealing with chronic pain that’s been dismissed or inadequately treated, don’t give up. Seek second opinions. Bring support people to appointments. Keep detailed records of your symptoms and their impact on your life. Ask questions about why providers think your pain isn’t real or doesn’t require treatment.
You know your body better than anyone else. Trust your instincts when something isn’t right, even when healthcare providers tell you otherwise. Sometimes being a “difficult” patient—one who asks questions, seeks second opinions, and refuses to accept inadequate care—is exactly what you need to be to get the treatment you deserve.
And to my fellow healthcare providers: this story is a mirror. Look into it carefully. See if you recognize yourself in the providers who failed this patient. Ask yourself if you’ve ever dismissed pain reports as drug-seeking behavior without thorough investigation. Consider whether your biases about addiction have ever prevented you from providing appropriate medical care.
We can do better. We must do better. Our patients’ lives depend on it.
Sometimes the most important thing we can do as healers is to believe the people who trust us with their pain. Sometimes the most healing thing we can offer is simply saying, “I believe you, and I’m going to help you.”
That’s not being manipulated by drug seekers—that’s practicing medicine with the compassion and thoroughness our patients deserve.