I hate feeling like a burden.
I can’t remember the first time I ever felt this way. I just know I don’t remember a time when I didn’t.
I want to bring joy and happiness into the lives I touch.
Never frustration.
Or regret.
Or contempt.
To feel like your absence alone would make another person feel relief. To wonder if the air gets lighter after you’ve gathered your things and gone. To think the conversation finally relaxes once the door closes behind you…
It makes me feel so awful.
I know that sometimes I think I’m a burden when I’m not, but I can’t tell the difference between the two. And sometimes, even if you ask someone directly, the way they answer leaves you wondering if they’re lying just to spare your feelings.
I feel guilty when I accept help because I feel like I should be able to do everything on my own.
Maybe this is just what happens when you grow up getting punished for needing it.