Once upon a time, my anxiety was so severe I couldn’t leave my own house. I’d cry and have full-on anxiety attacks—hyperventilating so hard my body would contort and lock up on itself. One time it got so bad 911 was called, and I ended up hospitalized for two weeks.
I was terrified of other people. I could barely hold onto jobs for more than three months at a time. Sometimes I’d miss work because I couldn’t get myself to walk out my own door for my shift.
I was trapped by my own fears. And then I got sick of being scared.
My anger grew stronger than my fear.
I made a decision that felt insane but honest: I was going to go straight into the deep end. I decided to become a CNA. I was going to force myself to be around what I feared most every single day—until my fear finally stopped running my life.
And it worked.
Slowly, I learned how to talk to people. How to comfort them. How to be there for them in crisis. There were setbacks. There were times of regression. But I kept pushing through, and that choice led me to where I am today.
I graduated as an RN and immediately started on the Resource team—which means I work on every adult specialty unit. I walk into new floors, new patients, new situations, and I figure it out. And now I’m transitioning into the controlled environment of the OR.
I can hold a full-time job now. I’m confident and comfortable around people. And while I still don’t leave my house often, it doesn’t send me spiraling anymore.
I’m thankful every day that I finally said, enough is enough—then dove straight into the deep end of my greatest fears and came up conquering them.
I proved to myself that if I have to burn myself down to rebuild who I am, I will light the match.