I think I’m getting better at not giving a crap.
I’m someone who feels everything so deeply that anxiety can leave me paralyzed, second-guessing every little thing.
Don’t do that.
Don’t say that.
Don’t go there.
All because I’m afraid of being judged. Because I know how cruel people can be. Some people just have to tell you how much they dislike what you’re doing, how they don’t like the way you said something, how you’re doing everything wrong, wrong, wrong.
After a while, you start hiding your joy. You don’t want to draw attention to the things that make you happy because you’re afraid someone will find a way to make you feel bad about them.
And sometimes it’s the smallest, most ridiculous thing. One time, I was shopping alone at Costco and saw a huge package of Hawaiian rolls. I was so excited that I said something out loud to absolutely no one. Just me, having a moment over bread.
An older couple nearby heard me, and the wife asked her husband if he liked Hawaiian rolls. He said no, they weren’t that good.
Maybe it had nothing to do with me. But in that moment, it felt like I couldn’t even be excited about bread without hearing why it wasn’t worth being excited about.
And my gosh. Can we just let people enjoy things?
If someone is minding their own business, happy in their own little world, let them be happy. You don’t have to like what they like. You don’t even have to understand it. But we don’t need to go out of our way to make people feel small for finding a little joy in this bleak existence.
People are always going to have opinions, though. I can’t control that. I’m just getting better at letting them have theirs without letting go of what makes me happy.
I’m allowed to be excited about the damn rolls.