I don’t think I’ve ever been in a healthy relationship before…
Until now.
And honestly, I don’t think people talk enough about how uncomfortable that can feel in the beginning. You would think getting the love you’ve always craved would feel good.
And it does.
But it’s also deeply unsettling.
It reminds me of when your arm or leg falls asleep because the circulation got cut off. In the moment, the numbness doesn’t even bother you that much because you got used to having no feeling there. You adjusted to the absence. You accepted it as normal.
But then you move. And the pressure releases. The blood starts flowing again. And that’s when it hurts. Every nerve ending starts screaming back to life, and suddenly the part of you that was numb for so long is awake again. Painfully. All at once.
But slowly, the pain starts to fade. The discomfort loosens its grip. Your nerves stop overreacting to every new sensation, and little by little, your body starts learning how to come back into balance instead of living at one end of the extreme.
Not numb.
Not overwhelmed.
Just steady.
I’m still at the part where the blood is flowing back.
I’m still trying to understand why someone can be so kind to me without eventually knocking me down a few pegs. Why I can tell this person my darkest secrets and they don’t make me feel ashamed for having them. Why the give and the take finally feel equal. Why I’m not begging to be considered. Why I’m not shrinking myself to keep the peace.
It feels wrong to be treated so right.
And that realization makes me weep for how I got here.