I’m so scared right now.
I’m scared that the way I’m living right now isn’t temporary. I’m scared this is just how my life is going to look like for an unforeseeable amount of time.
I’m scared that I’ll never get away from my hometown.
I’m scared my family is going to stay broken from now on, and all I’ll have left is the memory of when it wasn’t always that way.
I feel like people resort to fairytales when life gets a little too real. We say things like “karma will get them” or “good things happen to good people” because we need to believe there is some kind of order to all of this. Like the world is keeping track. Like the pain has a reason. Like the people who break things eventually have to answer for it.
But I think the scariest part is realizing life doesn’t actually work that way.
The universe doesn’t care about morals.
Sometimes bad things happen for no reason. Sometimes people do terrible things and nothing stops them. Sometimes they get to keep living normally while everyone else has to figure out how to live with what they did.
I’m so tired of starting over. I’m so tired of being hurt by people that are supposed to love me. I’m so tired of everything that I love dearly getting ripped from me.
When do I get to keep the beautiful things?
Or is that really what life is?
Loving things for a little while, losing them, and then spending the rest of your life remembering how beautiful they were before they were gone.